Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Man, parents make so many decisions about their children, it can be overwhelming. People questioned my judgment just about drinking coffee when pregnant. Then there's the belief that natural childbirth is better than hospital/medicated/etc. I tried natural childbirth in the hospital with Matt. The nurses couldn't get the drugs in me quick enough by the time I was having Chris, they had to orally admit me before the paperwork was ready.

Then the baby comes along, and if you're lucky enough to be blessed with a boy, you're faced with, "Does he get a circumcision or not?" People came out of the woodwork to tell me that if I circumcised my child, the pain would imprint upon his permanent memory and scar him forever. No kidding.

Nurse him, or use formula? The baby has to sleep on his back, but we decided on a "wedgy". Couldn't make up our minds, let him sleep on alternating sides. We had him christened, pretty much chose his religion from the start. Does the child sleep with the parent or in his own crib? Do we let him choose his own activities, loose schedule, or have a strict regimen he must follow? I chose to stay at home instead of go to work and have someone else watch him. It's not so much that I thought it was a better decision, I just wanted to stay at home. Really, I was lazy. :)

Oh, then the choice, how to discipline the child. What? My perfect son? At least he SEEMED to be perfect with no need for discipline when he was a tiny baby, sleeping in my arms. Babies grow, they really do. And they develop character, and ATTITUDE. They become little boys (or girls). So should we use mainly positive affirmation, never ever use the word NO, or become very strict from the start? There are a million books on this topic. I had bought five, and finally gave up on reading them.

These aren't just simple choices. There are parents so militant in their own camp about the decisions they've made, that simply put anyone who chooses otherwise is Wrong. We came across a few folks like this when we decided to go for the cochlear implant for Matt. And to dispel any myths, not one single deaf person we knew at that time came up to us and told us it was a wrong decision for our child. Maybe some felt that way, but we never heard about it. They did question us later, in person, but not when we were making the decision. We felt as if we were being watched, though. Watched and supported by family, friends and coworkers.

Which brand to choose. It wasn't like we could change our minds after the implant was in Matt's head, this was the hardest decision we had in front of us. We had information in front of us from the companies. We had time to review everything, as we had to wait for Matt's surgery, so we weren't rushed into this choice. We weren't pushed by the doctors, audies, teachers. They were all very open about what was available to us. This was a very personal choice, and it is for every person facing it. We had to choose what was right for our son, not anyone else. Just like all of the other decisions we made for our Matt.

We chose to go with the Advanced Bionics CII implant. We already had wonderful support from the company, answering every single question we could possible think of. We had met a mom of a little boy who used that implant. Static had been a problem for CI users, but we couldn't find this was true with this particular model (after asking other parents, the company and implant center). I LOVED the upgradeability of the internal part. The future of HiRes programming was what I wanted for my son. And I hate to admit, but it's true, I liked the simple headpiece. It just looked good. I'd like to think I'm a deeper person than that, but even the appearance helped us make a decision.

Oh, we were so excited!!!!! Our son may hear again! We had fully accepted he was deaf, always would be. We were continually trying to understand that part of his life. But oh my gosh, he was actually going to hear helicopters again! The clock chiming, the kids screaming in the park! Us yelling at him to stop running from us! Very simple, but important to a parent. :)

Truth be told, we didn't know exactly what Matt would hear. We were just excited for him. We had been through so much from finding out he was deaf, going to all the doctors, audie visits, in home and out of home schooling, sign language classes as well as speech. Life was just overwhelming at times, but the journey was only beginning. As the date for his surgery grew closer, we felt like none of the past mattered. Well, it mattered, but we started to feel a weight off our shoulders. We were beginning to understand our son better, what he was going through, and we felt like we were doing the best we could to help him. Waiting for the surgery became the hardest part. I would joke with the Implant Team that if there were an opening along the way we'd take it! But we had to wait for a particular doctor, given our son's age and malformations. The doc was in high demand, and worth the wait. It was a short wait of weeks or maybe a couple of months, but it felt like years. But the CI surgery was finally going to happen! Yeah!!!!!

Hmmm... I made some coffee this morning, haven't had any yet. Those who know me KNOW I need my coffee in the morning. SO, I'll write more later. Of course, about the surgery. I'm trying to keep this chronological, best I can, but things will pop up along the way. It is so cool to remember these things again. I feel like the memories won't be lost along the way now. We move so much, so many new faces, homes, schools, it's hard to keep things straight. But our sons' CI experience, and our journey as a family, is very important to me. I wasn't to remember it and share it with them later. :)