Activation.

I'm sitting here, with coffee of course, trying to figure out how to write about Matt's activation. It's such a momentous occasion, I'm not sure I can do it justice. So I'm just going to type it as it comes. Here goes...

Matt's CI surgery had healed and Activation Day was finally here. We had no idea what to expect. Of course, I had in the back of my mind that Matt would be hooked up and immediately hear sound upon the initial stimulation. We didn't have a clue. I went into the hookup room with him, I think an audie and maybe even two. My hubby and some other family sat in another room but could watch through a window and TV feed.

Matt was then "hooked up" and they started the stimulation. I think the first sounds he "heard" were directly from the computer, maybe clicks I can't remember, but not from his microphone. They started their testing, and there was absolutely no response from Matt. Not that I could see, anyway. I was crestfallen, crushed. It was only a few minutes of testing, but it felt like forever. I finally asked the doctor (I think he was there, maybe it was an audie) what happens if his CI doesn't work, at least we tried it. Right? I was trying not to cry. After everything we had been through, all of our hopes for Matt, it was hard to swallow that the CI wouldn't work for him. The doctor had told us in the past to have high hopes, low expectations. In other words, be realistic.

But he told me right there that Matt WAS responding to the sound. Matt was not moving an inch, not even flinching. But when they piped the sound from the computer to his CI, Matt's lily white Irish face would immediately flush beet red. When the tone was done, his face would go back to pale. Again and again and again. Matt just sat there with a very slight confused look on his face. Not scared, just not sure what to think about what was happening. His brain was getting the signal, just not certain what to do with it yet. I was ECSTATIC!!!!! I didn't want to interrupt the testing, but watching Matt's face as a response to the sound, I wanted to jump and scream and shout YIPEE! I couldn't believe that his little boy brain was getting sound input! FINALLY!!!!! And then I wanted to cry because it was at that moment that all of the testing, all of the decisions we had to make, all of that just washed away, melted into the past. Matt's hearing future was just beginning.

After a little more testing, they finally unhooked the computer and exposed Matt to sound through his microphone. For the first time. THAT was when he looked a little confused. He didn't seem scared, just confused. We decided to keep his volume low, then work him up in volume and input as he grew accustomed to his new implant. I walked out of there on cloud nine!

We gathered up all of the boxes, equipment, paperwork, got the family together and went out to the minivan in the parking lot. Buckled Matt up and started the engine. THAT was when he freaked out--by the sound of the minivan engine! He immediately went to tear off his CI, but I wouldn't let him. I told everyone in the van that he was keeping his CI on. We didn't come this far to let him take it off when he felt like it. That would be a bad habit to get into. I turned the volume down, but he kept his CI headpiece on after that. It didn't take long for him to calm down, either. He just seemed to be taking everything in.

I've always wondered if he could hear his own screaming after he heard the motor start up. Did his brain hear the screaming? Was THAT loud to him? It sure was to us. I kind of wished (and have wished through the years) that I could turn down my volume, too, ha ha!

Well, I need to get on with my day. I'll try to type more about his initial experiences. I think we DID put some of that down on the computer, like a journal that may be on our hard drive, in a folder somewhere. I'll try to find that and put in excerpts when appropriate, too. Way cool to be putting this all together!!!